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I ♥ Irony

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 05:07:00 -0400

Love it? See more: http://friendsofirony.com/

Cheap Dates Chicks Will Dig

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 02:12:00 -0400

Maybe it’s the recession, maybe you’re a student or maybe you’re just cheap. Whatever your reason, if you find yourself with the right girl, but the wrong budget for a special evening, fear not. Our dating guru, Madame Fifi, is rushing to your rescue…

Aural Pleasure

Easiest date ever! All you will need is a blanket, a nice location, snacks, drinks and a shared iPod. Download some interesting books and find an appropriate spot for a lazy afternoon date. If you want to spice things up, snuggle up in a cemetery and listen to Edgar Allen Poe.

Here is a great site for free books: http://www.truly-free.org/

For poetry, read it yourself: http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/

or download poems read by poets: http://www.poetrypoetry.com/TheVault.html

Dinner El Fresco

There is something inexplicably romantic about eating outdoors. Perhaps it reminds us of a happier time when we hunted and gathered; when all you needed to get a girl was a big stick and a great drive. Borrow camping chairs, bug spray and a table. Add a table cloth, flowers, candles and a string quartet for extra ambiance. If you don’t know your arse from your elbow in the kitchen, get take out.

Star Gazing

A bit tricky if you are in the city, but well worth a trip out of town. Make sure you bring a blanket, drinks, snacks, bug spray and optional candles. A torch may help you find a good location. Snuggling up while you dazzle her with stories about the constellations will do much to up your brownie point quota.

Here are some useful websites:

Sky Maps: http://www.skymaps.com/downloads.html

Stories about constellations: http://www.hawastsoc.org/deepsky/constellations.html

Sky tours with maps and legends: http://www.rocketmime.com/astronomy/

States of Zen

Fill a room with candles, and stock up on some massage oils. Coconut or baby oil works just as well. Bowls of water with floating flowers will add to the mood. Download some tranquil tunes – whale songs or anything with running water. Treat your lady to a back massage and she will forget all about dinner.

Treasure hunt

It’s best to save this gem for a special occasion. It takes preparation, so start planning a few days in advance. Choose a location – this works really well in a city where you can spread it out over a few blocks. Hide clues, or ask shop keepers in your neighbourhood to hold clues for you. She has to follow each clue to your location for a picnic, dinner in a nice restaurant, outdoor kung fu movie or a bunch of flowers.

Fire! Fire!

Everyone loves a good fire. This hippy TV is sure to keep you occupied for hours. Find a location where you can make a fire without getting arrested and curl up for a cuddle. You can roast marshmallows, bits of meat or a small goat if you so desire.

Movie night

Borrow a movie projector, or place your big screen TV on the windowsill, take a blanket and snacks outside and watch a movie on your lawn. You can project it onto an outside wall or use a sheet. Add some candles, wine, cheese and crackers.

Warning; Madame Fifi writes like Sartre – hammered on red wine and barbiturates. We cannot be held responsible for the consequences of her advice.

What a Way to Go!

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 10:54:00 -0400

DEATH

Sooner or later, death finds us all, but it finds some of us with our pants down. Most people spend their whole lives seeking a good death. For some this comes easily in the glory of battle or in service to others. But for these people; not so much…

Greek philosopher Chrysippus died laughing while he watched his drunken donkey trying to eat figs.

When George Plantagenet was sentenced to death; he chose to meet his maker by drowning in a barrel of Malmsey wine.

Tycho Brahe decided he would rather die than offend his hosts by leaving the banquet to go to the loo. His wish was granted and a burst bladder dispatched him at the dinner table which; according to: “Our Lady of Fatima Book of Etiquette for Young Ladies Vol. 1” is an even greater faux pas.

Carl McCunn planned to spend several months in the bush, taking wildlife pictures. He got a pilot to drop him in a remote location, but failed to make arrangements for his return. He shot himself when starvation became inevitable.

It was the day before her 100th birthday and Debbie Mills was crossing the road on her way to her party when the truck carrying her birthday cake ran into her wheelchair, killing her instantly.

Michael Lewis had a fight with lover Tony Berry. He drugged him, stripped him and dropped him off in Harlem wearing a sign which read: “Death to N——s’. Two minutes later, Berry was dead.

Jay Newton perished when colleague, BrianHartley, accidentally released a harness holding a twenty ton killer whale at SeaWorld in Florida. Newton was examining the harness at the time and was crushed to death.

Brett Tyler and Chelsea Tumbleston waited tables together at the Wild Wing Café in South Carolina. Overcome with mutual ardour, they slipped up to the roof to have public relations. Inexplicably, their love making took a turn for the worse when they both fell off the roof and died, naked on thepavement below.

Magnificent Moustaches

Mon, 17 May 2010 10:04:00 -0400

Moustaches; much maligned, misunderstoodand marginalised. Not since the likes of Magnum P.I., has the moustache been able to tickle a ladies fancy. The moustache’s sad decline hit rock bottom when it was satirized in pop media with the likes of Ned Flanders and Ron Burgandy sporting luscious fuzzies. Behold; the moustache is BACK and getting love from everyone except the Amish.

It’s not surprising that the moustache should make a comeback; it does seem to be the mark of remarkable men. I mean, think about it; would Nietzsche ever have held sway had he not had such a plush caterpillar of a moustache? Would Hitler have looked half as maniacal without the overgrown nose hairs? Would we have swooned so had Jimmy Hendrix not sported his definitive Fu Manchu?

Nietzche

Not only the stuff of dictators (Stain, Hitler, Mugabe, Lord Kitchener); the moustache has become, once again, the hallmark of the ubermensch. The fullness and length, even the style speaks volumes of the man who sports it. If you are considering a moustache of your own, then you need to consult the pros.

Lord Kitchener

Jon Chattman and Rich Tarantino in their book “Sweet ‘Stache: 50 Badass Moustaches and the Faces Who Sport Them,” rate moustaches according to a gruelling list of criteria and they awarded their only perfect 10 to Sam Elliot, quintessential cowboy whose ‘stache was the highlight of my Big Lebowski experience.

Sam Elliot

Moustaches are not for everyone. If you have sparse and patchy facial hair; it’s best to skip it, even if all the cool kids are doing it (I’m talking to you, McLovin!) If you are man enough, then careful consideration must be given to style and length. There are many wonderful looks to choose from.

The Fu Manchu Handlebar The Dali The Walrus The Toothbrush

If you are considering a moustache, why not wait until Movember? Movember is a moustache movement; a kind of guerrilla facial warfare, if you will. It started in a pub (naturally,) in Melbourne in 2003 as an excuse to bring back the moustache. Participating ‘MoBros’ start the month of November clean shaven, they begin to cultivate their moustaches. As progress is made, MoBros use the increased attention and/or ridicule to raise funds for prostate cancer. MoBros get donations from family and friends (to date $47 Million) which go to the Prostate Cancer and Lance Armstrong foundations. The event culminates in flash parties around the globe where MoBros complete for the coveted ‘Man of Movember’ prize. www.movember.com

The Cat's Pyjamas

Tue, 11 May 2010 04:42:00 -0400

The Hinks is a feline with a capital ‘C’. Although he is not your average household pet, he does occasionally give audience to his humans who adore him and write songs and haikus to his magnificence.

The Hinks Abides

Recently, the Hinks had a lady caller. The beguiling Osaka graced the house with her presence while her humans were on holiday. The Hinks developed a deep devotion to his lady friend and followed her about the house, meowing his undying love. However, much to The Hinks’ distress, his advances were rebuffed.

Soon after Osaka's arrival, The Hinks’ humans were lounging at home when they were surprised to hear a tinkle coming from the bathroom. They imagined the worst. This could only be the work of some sick, peeing cat burglar. Armed with a baseball bat and an inclination to be disturbingly impolite, they launched a ruthless attack on the bathroom only to find The Hinks perched on the seat, relieving himself.

Oh the joy! The rapture! The unabashed awesomeness that is The Hinks.

The vet proclaimed The Hinks to be of sound mind; just too polite to share the litter box with the lovely Osaka. The cunning Hinks had hatched a plan to win over his reticent companion.

The Hinks has since learnt to use the toilet for all his needs. His fame spreads far and wide. Alas, his love for Osaka remains unrequited, but The Hinks will find a way…. Watch this space for the next episode of The Magnificent Hinks!

Ode to The Hinks (By Seirna P, Hinks' human)

Hinkles loves me, this I know.

For his licking tells me so.

Peeing in the John is his way.

A little fat but that's okay.

Yes, Hinkles loves me

Yes Hinkles loves me

Yes Hinkles loves, his licking tells me so.

Wish your cat was as clever as The Hinks (as if!)? Pehaps you can try the Litter Kwitter:

www.litterkwitter.com

Forced Perspective

Mon, 10 May 2010 04:19:00 -0400

Forced perspective shots are fun, especially if you are new at photography. If you want to get ideas: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2t00f8/www.drweb.de/magazin/35-splendid-examples-of-forced-perspective-photography//r:f

If you have your own examples - send them in!

Science and Mysticism

Sun, 09 May 2010 00:48:00 -0400

Science and religion have always been at loggerheads. Their disagreements have been many, varied and colourful, but centre around their opposing ontological approaches i.e. religion sees nature as spiritual and science sees nature as material. Mysticism goes beyond religion and science to combine both points of view.

Mysticism demands that its followers verify and question beliefs until they discover the truths themselves. Followers are called verifiers or seekers and should not accept doctrine, but question it; “In mysticism, then, we find a type of spirituality which has close epistemological parallels to science – a spirituality that begins with faith but ends in a certainty which each of us can and must discover in our own practice.” Joel Morwood.

The certainty of science has been damaged by quantum theory. The experimental approach is debunked as ‘facts’ recorded by empirical observations are flawed by the subjectivity of the senses. Time and space are no longer thought of as constant or linear; sub-atomic phenomena behave differently in the presence of observers and are now thought of in terms of both waves and particles. This idea demands a ‘complementarity’ or the necessity to hold two seemingly opposing ideas in the mind at the same time – something mystics are usually ridiculed for.” Quantum theory has led the physicists far away from the simple materialistic views that prevailed in the natural science of the nineteenth century.” Werner Heisenberg. This seems to suggest that the fundamental realities of mysticism and science are moving closer together.

Many scientists have published books that show the similarities between the beliefs of mysticism and science. Even Stephen Hawkings can ‘…see God in my equations.” People who believe they are ‘serious’ scientists say this is all stuff and nonsense. They claim that this is pop science and does nothing but get book deals and lucrative grants.

Still, the mystics smile knowingly and beckon us to the ‘dark side’, to enlightenment.

They claim that, in order to understand nature, we must abandon empiricism, materialism and knowledge itself in order to ‘know’. The truths of science are not the same as the mystical truths, although there was a time when we thought they were. Mystical truths are absolute; beyond concepts, subjectivity, culture and world views.

Whether you are on the side of science or religion, there is undeniable evidence of phenomena which cannot be explained solely by one side or the other. If we thought of both science and mysticism in terms of energy, we seem to be talking the same language.

In China, the essence of everything is believed to be ‘chi’ – a kind of divine energy which polarizes into yin and yang (positive and negative). In India, Brahman is the creative power flanked by Vishnu and Shiva. Matter is condensed energy; “By energising of consciousness, Brahman is massed; from that, matter is born and from matter, life and mind and the worlds… “Mundaja Upanishad. Tibetan philosophy also sees the essence of everything as a pulsing, dynamic energy or vibration. According to these approaches, ‘consciousness’ is simply an awareness of this energy. Mysticism is a way to lock into this energy – to channel, change, read and direct it. Practitioners initially learn from it, but with time and practice are able to use it to heal or change the environment around them. In a controlled lab experiment, Beverly Rubick (a biophysicist at San Francisco State University) tested the effects of psychic healers: “I knew when… I intoxicated my bacteria with a dose of a certain chemical agent, that indeed they would not swim. And what we found with some of the psychic healers … is that they were able to revive a certain percentage of them. We found about seven percent motility in that experiment, as I recall.”

In the wonderfully entertaining “What the Bleep Do We Know” – an insightful documentary explaining the ideas of energy and mysticism – Dr. Masaru Emoto conducts an experiment where droplets of water are frozen under controlled lab conditions. Before each droplet is frozen, the good doctor projected an emotion and phrase like “You make me sick” or “Love and gratitude”. The resulting ice formations leave us with much food for thought. "Half of the earth is water; our body is three-quarters water. Many studies have shown subtle effects of healers upon hydrogen bonding and infrared absorption of water. None of these scientific studies can compare with the beauty and clear messages shown by Dr. Emoto's elegant work. The impact of thought and beauty has never before been demonstrated so well."

You make me sick Love and Gratitude

Heavy Metal Music Mozart

It seems then that perhaps one may not have to entirely abandon spirituality in order to be scientific. In fact, our scientific endeavours are pointing to the fact that a more holistic, balanced way of thinking needs to be adopted if we are going to make any headway in the fields of science or spirituality.

References:

Dr. Emoto’s website: http://www.masaru-emoto.net/

Joel Morwood: http://www.centerforsacredsciences.org/teachings/science.html

T-shirt of the week

Thu, 06 May 2010 14:39:00 -0400

For all your Mayo celebrations! Wannit? http://www.bustedtees.com/

Tee Hee

Tue, 04 May 2010 00:42:00 -0400

Despite the Times Square bomb scare, the Levity Project continued with its plans to contribute to world laughter day yesterday by conducting laughter events on the subways. The laughter trains all ended in Times Square where members of the Levity Project marched to the UN, giggling all the way.

“The Levity Project is a social movement creating change through public acts of play, laughter, and celebration. The mission of The Levity Project is to help decrease the spirit of negativity, stress, and fatigue in our society by infusing public spaces with a lighter and more buoyant energy,” said a CNN iReport correspondent.

The group meets in a central place, and then splits into groups which each take a subway train. They begin to laugh on the train and this encourages those around them to laugh, smile or just feel a little lighter.

Members of the public are encouraged to start their own laughter groups, any time, any place. Get out there and GIGGLE!

Putting the 'Dick' back in Dictator

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 03:24:00 -0400

T-shirt of the week. Wannit? go to http://www.bustedtees.com/

Men? Where?

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 00:35:00 -0400

Antwone Fisher – protagonist of the movie with the same name and real life screenwriter – recently released a book titled: “A Boy Should Know How to Tie a Tie: And Other Lessons for Succeeding in Life.”

“I think a lot of people complain about young people and the way they dress or behave, but for some of them, no one ever explained those things,” Fisher said. He postulates that young men, raised by single mothers or fathers who are too busy trying to “make it” to pay them due attention, are not taught the fundamentals of being a man.

Of course he is talking about the nuts and bolts: How to tie a tie, tuck a shirt and shave, but he certainly has a point. A well turned out young man is a rare sight.

Remember the days when men were men? They looked sharp, had well manicured nails, helped old ladies cross the street, opened doors, bought flowers and generally wore the hell out of those pants. Chivalry is dead and it’s the ladies who are loading rolls of plastic and shovels into the trunk.

That’s right ladies – you with your salad bars, skinny lattes, rom coms and sensitivity feelings ‘n stuff. You have raised your sons to be the men your husbands and fathers never were. The result of your sensitivity training is that doors remain unopened and little old ladies have to brave the zebra crossings alone while we stay at home on Sundays and tear up to HBO specials.

I say bring back the heroes. It’s time to reclaim our rightful place in the world. Hand me those pants, woman! Out with Appletinis, in with Martinis! Hold the skinny soy milk latte with a twist, just give it to me strong and black. I’m mysterious, tough, macho and the kind of guy to take my women up against the wall in the library.

String Gardens

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 09:27:00 -0400

Not enough light or space to have a pot plant? Then loose the pot and get high

Love 'em? Then make your own!

http://www.cutebonsaitree.com/how-to-make-kokedama-moss-ball.html

Ho Ho Ho!

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 08:46:00 -0400

Some years, Christmas comes early...